i wonder how long could we actually last.

This few days, hadn't been blogging. Bet my blog's dead man. Lesser & lesser people came to tag & read. It should be like this. Not in a good mood now. So i'm here to shout it all out. Sometimes i wonder, i rly do think. Why do a girl needs to marry? Isit because of love. Or just " relying "? I'm so confused. I totally don't get. People says, I don't love my bf too much but i'm actually relying on him more! I don't agree with this okay? I seriously love him & i want to spend my whole life with him. Fate is in own hands. But not to be controlled by " GOD ". It's wrong. People with brains on their ass is freak.


Have been quarreling with baby almost for 3-4 days. It's only th matters of time. We can quarrel for hours, or minutes. Or even longer. I always felt. I'm th one who is hurting but not him. Once-d we quarrel i think he doesn't loves me anymore. I didn't want to think lik that. But once quarreling starts. He changed to another person. Another character. He said i changed. I don't used to be like that last time. I don't agree to what he've said i changed. But i think i've change by learning how to rely on him. & Learn how to be a good girlf always. But th reason why, i always don't let him sleep. Is not because i'm happy seeing him suffering. I'm rly hurting inside alr. Baby becames my daily life. & Once for 1 seconds. He's not with me. I rly felt so lonely & heart broken. How should i explain it. Even myself, i don't understand. I always felt, alot alot people has been walking away from my life. My heart, i always decide to break into two parts. One for baby & th other one for my sisters & family. But i felt 2nd part feels so empty now. I don't get it. Sometimes, life's isn't that easy. Baby & me almost broke up just now. I was so .. Unable to control my emotions. I don't know what to do. I'm only thinking, he promised he'd marry me. & I believe this only promise he won't break deh. & He didn't. I'm happy. But still depressed. About how, how isit rly to matain a good relationship. In order to do this. I bet i must control myself. Forget abt th past happiness. Accept th fact that once gone, it'd never be back. I'm still missing sisterly loves. It's diff from baby. But those love given from baby, is diff from sisters. So i shouldn't be greedy right? But still i want to be greedy {:


I'm going 16th this sunday. Wouldn't be celebrating. I don't like actually. I like to go quiet places now, crowdy? I don't like. Fens say she's getting me that kitty webcam i wanted. Sweet of her isn't it? :D Mama says she'll get my VAIO lappy on december. Whew, job hunting still isn't sucessfull. But baobei intro a job to me previously. Is at amk guardian. She says when she's free then go interview tgt. Cos she got baby need take care also. But she ah, wait till she free th job fly liaos loh. Then my room renovating & shopping also fly alr laa. -.-


I found a online web, which is selling dog thingys. Whalaos! Fucking cute bodohs! Th got jap kimonos, Crystal collars, Dresses, T-shirts, backpacks & even JUMPERS. Cute loh! Th collar actually i wanted to buy deh. But i think later runrun crystal drop. Then also wasted. Somemore 60 bucks for one. So i may be buying th dress & jumper. & It's kinda cheap ley. Not yet 25 bucks for one loh. That time i brought one fucking T for cookie. 30 bucks alr. Th kimonos, at clearance sale is only for 15 bucks. I bet i'm gonna buy for her. So new year can wear nice nice. Then christmas i'm stil looking for a christmas costume for her. She's my dog. Even how poor am i. I need to take care rly well of her. Somemore, me & baby treat her like our child! :D But cookie. Is a rubbish dog. Everything also eat. Keep make ownself dirty by rolling outside th floor. Zxzxz.


As i promised, i post a long one for my readers. I'm off. Byebye!